Uhh Anyways
by Esherymack
Summary: I'm an idiot for writing this. Basically, Ed is in Skyrim. And meets himself. Features an immortal Ed, regular Ed, and special guest appearances by Maven Black-Briar, Winry, Al, and Mustang's gang. Under a new pen name.


A/N: Oh dear lord I'm an idiot, crossing Ed into Skyrim XD This is a one shot that involves an immortal Edward, the Dark Brotherhood, the Thieves Guild, and the regular Ed, Al, Winry, and Mustang + Crew. And I just wrote this cos… I'm an idiot… who comes up with stupid ideas… that get stuck… and won't leave till I write them down XD

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><p>The alleyway was dark, damp, and stank like something awful—not uncommon for Riften, as Edward had discovered long ago on a contract for the Dark Brotherhood. He stood in the shadows, waiting for the guard on patrol to finish taking his sweet time walking by so that Edward could pick the lock to Black Briar Manor and get the documents he needed for Brynjolf.<p>

The guard paused in his patrol, scratching the back of his neck. Edward sighed, reaching for his daggers; time for some dirty work. Brynjolf would be royally pissed at him, but that was the price for hiring a trained assassin as a secondhand thief.

The front door to Black Briar Manor swung open, the candlelight spilling out onto the wooden walkways. Maven Black Briar stood there, her face livid, as her housecarls dragged a runt wearing a red coat, a decent looking girl, a suit of armor, and a whole squad of men and women in glaring blue outfits.

_Did the woman hire the whole damn circus, or are they just stupid thieves… _

Edward sighed. So many disturbances. As he turned to creep to the back door, ever cautious that the denizens of the manor were quite awake, he shot a second glare at the runt.

The 'runt' made him pause; he smacked himself on the forehead for his stupidity. Who else ever wore such a red coat. Who else ever traveled with a suit of armor and a blonde girl. Who else had a whole entourage of Amestrian military?

Why, Edward Elric did, some hundred years before. He was looking at himself, before it was made evident that his father's longevity was genetic and had passed down to him. He cursed himself for calling himself short, before stepping out of the alleyway. Maven froze in her screaming—_Finally,_ Edward thought—and stared at the assassin-turned-thief in front of her. "You… Brynjolf sent you… for the payment… and the papers, right? They're here, take them, and leave us Black Briars be! Damned thieves, always wanting payment of some sort…" she grumbled

Edward snorted before speaking, something he rarely did. "Always wanting payment..? My, Maven, you must be daft. We only want payment because you… endorse our skills (A/N: Endorse: to approve, support, or sustain) and require our thieves to go out and do your dirty work." Edward's voice was smooth, something Brynjolf teased him about endlessly ("Always one for the ladies, eh, lad?"). Now, though, it made Maven blanch and hand over the gold and documents wordlessly, before closing her door with a soft click.

Edward turned to the old him, brother, mechanic, and military. "Now. What the HELL. Are you doing here."

The other Ed turned and yelled, "What do you mean what the hell are we doing here? We were just minding our own business when POOF! In that crazy bitches house! Where are we! Who are you? What is going on here! Why…"

Edward slapped a hand over Ed's mouth. "Shut up, kid. That crazy bitch happens to be our best client. You're in Riften. I'm you. I think. And I'm a thief and professional assassin, I wouldn't cross me. I'm here to collect payment from Maven, that's all. Any more questions?"

Edward was challenging Ed, and Ed glared over Edward's hand with the same golden eyes that Edward possessed. Well, now one was misty, blind from a knife. It wasn't Edward's fault, though, even trained assassins and thieves run into the occasional sticky situation.

Ed shoved Edward's hand off of his mouth and continued glaring. Edward sighed and turned on his heel. Ed and his entourage followed him. Edward stopped, whipping around and baring his teeth. Ed plus entourage glared. Edward growled, then jumped down into the filthy river below and vanished.

Ed and his entourage stared after him. Then with a shrug, they turned around and began to leave the city one at a time.

And now, a few hundred years later, Ed watches with confused eyes from the shadows of a reeking alleyway, arrow already knocked on his bowstring, as Edward Elric is kicked out of Maven Black Briar's manor.

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><p>AN: I told you, I'm an idiot :D


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